The book speaks of Worth or self-worth. We are not dealing with a measurable quantity, what is being expressed when it is spoken “to be in your worth” is another way of expressing the idea or the sense of being aligned to your Divine self Your Divine inner truth.
You might recall that many of us were taught or learned, “Oh Lord I am not worthy.” What we can do with this today is to realize that phrase refers only to the personality self. The Divine self is always worthy; it cannot be anything else. The personality self is always striving for something more, something better, and because of its very nature it will always believe it is not worthy because there is always something more to achieve. it speaks in the language of “one more book, one more retreat, one more day of fasting,” and then perhaps I might be worthy.
Your spiritual nature does not get involved in this kind of one-up-manship or bargaining. It does not need to. It continually dwells in the truth of what it is. It is worthy simply because it is. It is worthy because of its realization as coming from the Divine source; it is worthy and lives in the knowing that nothing can take away that worth. You can deny your worth/your Divine nature, but that doesn't take it away, your denial just creates more of an illusion of separation.
The major Focus this morning is our “stuff,” those patterns of thought and behavior that we have either inherited from our families of origin or that we might even have created for ourselves. The realization that comes from this awareness is the becoming cognizant of those patterns of thought and behavior in being that no longer serve us.
We are not making a judgment nor are we blaming those from whom those patterns might have come from. As a friend of mine likes to say, “You might have been taught this pattern or action by someone else, but it's your puppy now.” So that is one of the first realizations we have--drop the over-analysis or holding on to blame or resentment for patterns that might have been passed on to us by church, by family, by friends, by school. Not only is that a waste of energy, but also contributes to being stuck or staying that way.
When you abnegate your worth by believing others are always right—“He must have been right to leave me, I will never amount to much on my own”—you claim your authority in that abnegation of power. And that resonance begins to infiltrate all areas of a life. If you want that, that is up to you; keep plucking things off the low shelf and putting them in your basket if that is what you want, or hear us now: You are the one who chooses, regardless of what you think or have been taught. And if you are carrying a handbasket of trash, drop it now. Who is to tell you not to but you? Now, if you want your trash to stick with you, be prepared to stink, because that’s what trash tends to do after a while. If you do not want it, you have been given the authority to let go.
Our awareness brings to light all of those thoughts, ideas and patterns of action that no longer serve us. Once the awareness is there, then comes the real work of healing because those old patterns do not disappear simply because we want them to. We have learned them so deeply within our being that those patterns and behaviors almost have a life of their own, so that energy needs to be extinguished. That is done in part by choosing a different pattern, choosing a more loving way and not feeding energy into the old patterns that no longer serve us. It sometimes takes many tries to rid ourselves of useless patterns of behavior. That is why awareness by itself is not enough. Awareness is followed by those other steps-- willingness, intention, surrender and the positive powerful use of imagination.
I gave an example this morning of a pattern that I picked up from my mother which she probably learned from her parents. She would never buy an item that she really wanted, but always would settle for second or third-best. I am not sure what motivated those choices-- one factor certainly seems to be “I am not worthy of the best,” another was probably a desire to avoid extravagance and another might have been a way of saving money.
Although I had probably practiced this pattern many times without realizing it, it really entered my conscious awareness when I was getting ready to buy an electric typewriter years ago. It was a necessary piece of equipment for my continuing education. I found myself in a dilemma of which one should I buy. There was a top-of-the-line Smith-Corona and then there was another “no brand”more cheaply made and I recall going back and forth in my mind until I finally settled on the cheaper model. No sooner had I brought it home that I realized the conflict was not settled. I had bought something I did not want and I felt angry and deprived. What I finally wound up doing was selling the typewriter I had bought for less than I paid for it and then biting the bullet and buying the Smith Corona. In essence what I done was to bu two typewriters or buy one for the price of 2. It was an expensive lesson and one that I continue to learn because I found myself falling into that same pattern time and time again. I can still notice it within myself these days but it has little or no control or energy around me.
Now we will tell you this: Many of you were taught things when you were very small. You believed them implicitly and you created a life to reflect these teachings regardless of whether or not they were serving you well. You were told you were this or that, you were mistreated by this one or that one. But we are here to tell you now that just because something happened does not mean it has to stay. You have as much authority here, but you don’t know it. You have been systematized to agree with the possibility that once you are scarred, you are scarred forever, that once you have been harmed, the memory of the harm will never go away. Well, this is up to you, you know, because, once again you decide what the teaching was.
So what was the lesson for me? On the surface it could be “You're an idiot for not purchasing what you want in the first place. But if I choose to go deeper, the lesson has many different facets. One is that my mother was doing the best she knew how to do and coming from a background of living in the Great Depression was most certainly affected by a deep sense of fear and scarcity. Bringing it more to a personal level I can say to myself “I deserve to live in abundance. I deserve to live without fear. I deserve to rejoice in and participate in the good and beautiful things of life.”
You notice that many or most of those lessons have nothing to do with the material world. It is not always about buying the most expensive item or living beyond my means or being overly extravagant. It is more about being led and guided by my own sense of inner worth rather than some external measurement.
We do not teach those who have an investment in maintaining their pain as their identity and there are those of you who have become so attached to your history—“This happened to me when I was five, when I was twenty-five, or fifty-five”—that you stand at the roadside looking at the history, the wreck that was your past, and not walking beyond it. Now if you want to stay there, you may; you have been gifted with free will. But this incarnation is yours to learn though. And the moment you decide that there may be another way to learn, to encounter this history, to move beyond the wreckage, you will, but you must choose it.
This final piece today is sort of like getting a bucket of cold water thrown in my face. First of all, I do not think that anybody who is so lost in their own pain or identified with their pain or fear or scarcity or whatever form it might take would probably not be reading this far in the book. But I also feel it is a reminder to all of us that we are continually offered the choice of what we identify with within ourselves. Pain is always a reflection a scarcity, of fear, of living from a limited sense of awareness.
It is difficult to imagine that in a world created by our divine natures there is no such thing as pain. We wrestle with this one sometimes, and we can turn it back on ourselves in judgment if we are experiencing pain whether physical or psychological. This sort of self-blame is simply another pattern of useless behavior we might have learned in the past.
Perhaps a better way of being aware of this is being able to say, “I have pain but I am not my pain.” When we are in a state of struggle or grieving or hurt, it is very natural that within our human selves we will experience pain, longing, grief. We do not deny this but we do suggest and anything that comes up to you or through you that brings pain with it has come to your awareness to be healed.
The pain that you experience might have very little to do with present circumstances. It might simply be that your soul knows you are ready to handle and heal what it is now bringing to your attention.
In love and in Gray gratitude and in healing: thank you, thank you, thank you.