THIS INCARNATION 8

P.100-

I found this quote from Eckhart Tolle quite significant:

“Many people who are going through the early stages of the awakening process are no longer certain what their outer purpose is. What drives the world no longer drives them. Seeing the madness of our civilization so clearly, they may feel somewhat alienated from the culture around them. Some feel that they inhabit a no-man's-land between two worlds. They are no longer run by the ego, yet the arising awareness has not yet become fully integrated into their lives.”

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I think we set a record this morning—3 paragraphs rather than 3 pages. You really need to shut me up!

A key concept here is that “We Are All One.” Even though we are each unique expressions of the Divine, the God essence that we possess is the same as the God essence in all beings. Because this is an absolute truth, we can be aware of the reality that “giving and receiving are the same.” (loving and being loved are the same). We can know that when we choose to raise our vibration, as a seemingly separate individual, we actually raise the vibration of all beings.

A concept that is used here in today's reading is one which has been mentioned a number of times but it is also one that demands repeating: 

“You create a new possibility in your energy field that others may witness, may know, may see as possible and they may align to it and call it into being for themselves.”

“Possibility” is the focus here. Once a barrier or challenge has been overcome by one person, an energy is created that opens the door for others to follow. 

It was thought that to run a mile under four minutes was an impossibility. After Roger Bannister broke the four minute mile it was not long afterwards that another did the same thing and then another and another. That is one simple example of how a possibility is created by one person that can be taken up by others as well. (others: breaking of the sound barrier; walking on the moon; …)

In the Christian tradition it was Jesus who spoke and said “Greater things than this shall you do.” Although we usually equate that with the physical world, he also said, “I have given an example Love one another as I have loved you.”

That was not simply a command, it was a directive that said “I have shown this example, I have opened you up to the possibility of what you thought was impossible. Now, today, you have a choice to hold onto the claim that it is impossible to love everyone, or that unconditional love is not only possible but is a reality.

I used the example of Yoda from Star Wars showing Luke the power of mind over matter. Luke being overwhelmed by the demonstration (of raising  his ship out of the swamp) says “I don't believe it” and Yoda sadly shakes his head and and replies, “That's why you fail.” In other words, “You have denied the possibility that I've shown you and in your denial of that possibility you have limited yourself and your awareness.”

The question came up about unconditional love. Here again we are faced with the the paradox that challenges our perception of what we are. The small self or the ego or the personality self is not capable of unconditional love, but that does not stop it from desiring it. I do believe there will come a time when the personality self will be able to accept unconditional love even though it does not fully grasp or understand it. For our work right now simply realize there is only one kind of love, and that is the love that exist without conditions.

And so the question is asked, “Can I love myself unconditionally?”  The reason why that is so confusing is that it is the personality self that is asking a question and the personality self is always wrapped up and engaged in the limitation. It’s really an impossible question for the ego.

I believe the answer to the question is not a judgment so much as it is an awareness and the choice.

Again,  “I will open myself up to the possibility of love without limits and  to go beyond the preconceived notions of the personality self and all it’s wants, needs, and attempts to explain, define and control.”

“As deeply as I can I will open myself up to loving and being loved in this moment,” and my prayer will be “and let me stretch even further into the next moment.” **

We do not create love. We are love. Trying to define unconditional love is rather meaningless because we are not talking about doing something so much as we are speaking about being the truth of you are.

“You create a new possibility in your energy field that others may witness, may know, may see as possible and they may align to it and call it into being for themselves.”

** I just thought of our way to describe or become aware of the personality self. A simple description would be your personality self is your story.” Kind of like being on the soap opera channel. Not only is your story your history or your perceived history, but it is also all the stories you are telling yourself about what is happening and why it's happening right now in your life.

We will not say that this story or history is untrue or unreal, but we will simply suggest that your story, your history, the story you are telling yourself right now, is a very limited view of life and you truly are.

THIS INCARNATION 7

P. 98-100 

One of the words that kept coming back to me is “paradox.” Most of us are living with one foot in the Kingdom and the other foot in the material world. Because of this, it is quite difficult sometimes to know what our next step is, or to put it in metaphysical language, “What is most real and what is an illusion?”

The deeper challenge is “to be in the world but not of it.” Other ways of expressing that: to know I have an ego/personality self, and to realize that is not who I am; to be able to walk lightly, walk freely and yet also to walk the earth. The way I heard a teacher put it years ago was To walk the mystical path with practical feet.

Now that is going to mean something different for each one of us, and will probably mean something different at different times in our lives. The mind would love to pin all of this down with a  definition or distinction that applies to everything all of the time, But when we are walking in the realm of spirit that is just not going to happen.

So here we are, learning and growing together seemingly as separate beings, and yet each one of us knowing that our deepest Truth is that we are participating in Oneness. The way we often express that is by saying “each one of us is a unique expression of the Divine” or “that each one of us is unique expression of Oneness.” The mind cannot grasp the seeming contradiction of that statement and yet the heart knows the truth of it.

At this time when we speak of creating your own reality our focus is on your perception. How and what you perceive, and sometimes even why you perceive it in a particular way, helps to define the reality that you live in. Within the midst of your perception which both defines situations for you and creates a mindset with which you work with and respond to that situation, there is also a level of choice that you are not always aware of.

Each one can recognize that different people in the same or similar situations can carry with them a completely different viewpoint or perception. You can also realize that your perception can be strongly influenced by judgment, by past experience, and by your emotional state either past or present. you have all shared experiences with family and friends and often times when relating to a particular past event have begun to realize that another's perception of what has occurred is very different from your own. In fact, it might seem as if even though historically you know you both experienced that particular event, but the difference between your perception and the perception of another is so great as to seem as if you were in different places at different times .

An aspect of the paragraph below is a difference in perception that might be expressed this is all about me or the scope of this event is bigger than my personal self.

“Two people may see the same accident on the highway and have two very different responses: “Oh, I am so glad I was not driving on the road today,” or “How can I help that man behind the wheel?” You are always reflecting your consciousness in what you see before you and what you attend to. You have made collective decisions about the realities that you exist in. And we say “realities” intentionally, because three people may share the same room and inhabit three different levels of consciousness and, consequently, their experience of the room and their circumstances may be radically different.”

Two men looked out from prison bars the one saw mud the other stars. Same place, same situation, same window, yet a totally different experience of reality. The Christian image that is shared of this understanding is represented by the two thieves on either side of Jesus. One was complaining, while the other was asking for forgiveness. Same time, same place, same situation, and yet each one of them is experiencing a totally different reality.

Keep in mind, one of the things we are doing here is raising all of this concerning our perception to a level of choice. In order to be able to be in that space of choice, we need to remove ourselves from victim consciousness, accept whatever responsibility is ours, and be open to the infinite possibilities that are available to us each moment.

I know--much more easily said than done.

It came to my attention after class was over that I had inadvertently skipped a paragraph so let me share that one with you and whatever reflections might come to mind.

“Many of you get overly attached to your relationships here. You have come to count on them as ways of knowing yourself in your worth. You have come to count on your choices to always lead you where you think you should go. So when something happens that you perceive to be out of your control, your sense of worth is challenged. Somebody goes away, a situation occurs that challenges your safety or your belief in what it means to be safe in your environment. Until you all learn, each one of you, that you are your brother’s keeper and that the wars that you create are manifestations of fear, you will not learn this lesson.”

Life, and what we might call the circle of life or what the Buddhists call the wheel of Samsara, is so huge had we cannot even possibly imagine the breadth and depth of it all. Unfortunately, for most of us, We use our thinking mind to attempt to define, classify, and control the events of our lives. This leaves us to constantly produce expectations which usually end up as disappointments.

The best way I know how to deal with this gently is first of all to recognize that it is the personality self/the ego consciousness which is attempting to create the future and it never quite learns the lesson that it can't really do that. (like that description of insanity--doing the same thing expecting different results). If I remember, if I am in my awareness, I can ask my ego consciousness, gently, “When was the last time you predicted the future with any accuracy?”       I then need to open my soul to the love and the guidance of the Holy Spirit within.

Fear and the need for safety are the mind's way of attempting to control the circumstances of life. I am reminded of that wonderful quotes from Helen Keller who said, “Security is but a myth, life is either a daring adventure or it's nothing at all.”

The paradoxical state of mind spoken of in the beginning here is wonderfully expressed in a reflection from Augustine who said, “Lord you have made our hearts restless, and they will never rest until they rest in Thee. The restless heart that he speaks of is the personality self that in its search for peace is striving for perfection, but like Sisyphus who is rolling the rock up the hill is constantly thrown backwards. The task the personality has set for itself is impossible. True peace is only reached when the personality self allows itself to be completely and lovingly embraced by the Divine that you are. That is the transformation. You are not creating peace, it already exists as an aspect of the essence of who you are.

“Peace is more than possible. It is an intended state of consciousness that you also know in your DNA, or your record, or whatever you would like to call your history-memory of the race. Peace is more than possible. It can be. But it must be within you to be reflected elsewhere. And we will say this once again: There is nothing within you that is not projected outward in your expression, and what you fear within yourself, you fear within your fellows, you fear within your world, and when you are frightened of your fellows, you move away, and your need for peace becomes an opportunity for separation and isolation.”

A classmate pointed out to me that there is a huge difference between separation/isolation and solitude. it is often stated in Scripture that Jesus would go to a quiet place to commune with the Father. In other words, he would seek solitude. Both solitude and isolation are attempts to remove ourselves from the noise of the world. The difference, however, is that isolation and separation are an attempt by the personality self to create peace. Whereas the solitude the soul seeks is to be in touch, to be aware of the Peace that already exists Within. Can you get a sense for that one?

“As you create anew, a new possibility of expressing yourself, you create the same possibility in everybody around you. This is resonance. As you recognize your worth, as you surmount a challenge in this incarnation, you give permission to everyone to do the same. You create a new possibility in your energy field that others may witness, may know, may see as possible and they may align to it and call it into being for themselves.”

In love and gratitude

THIS INCARNATION 6

P.97-98

In our work here today we are walking a fine edge between what we might call free will and determination or predestination. Essentially all is within our level of choice, but as we incarnate here on planet Earth our soul has already made some about what our lessons are this lifetime. Of course we have a choice, while we are here, either to learn those lessons or not at this time, even though eventually we will always choose to grow with them.

It might be important to realize that without speaking of it too much, we are continually distinguishing between the Self that you are and the personality self that you have adopted and created for this lifetime.

As was mentioned before we are pushing the envelope. We are pushing the intellect as far as it can go within its linear understanding of life, and then going beyond it to a much broader understanding that cannot be completely explained in words.

During our lesson today, I was blessed to be given the vision of the French impressionist painter Monet. If you were to stand close to one of his creations, all that you would see would be a bunch of colored dots seeming seemingly without shape or form. If, however, you were to step back, all of these very colored dots would come together in a particular form or shape and the entire picture would be revealed.

Here we are in a particular life circumstance, trapped in this limited view of things as being stuck in this one little dot. And in our own overwhelmed state of mind, so identified with this one piece, thinking it is the whole thing. This one piece could be an illness, our own or someone else's, a deep tragedy, or it could be as simple as spilling something on the floor. “Why did this happen to me,” we cry.

As soon as we ask that question consciously, we can become aware of the varied choices that are available to us. Let us suppose we take something simple as a cup of coffee or tea that you have spent some time in preparing and have been looking forward to. As you are ready to take the first sip, that you have anticipated for so long, the cup slips out of your hand and breaks on the floor scattering shards and liquid all over the place.

“Why did this happen to me?” you ask again. The least conscious answer would be, “I don't know why things like this always seem to be happening to me. I never really get what I want. Life sucks.” So we wrap ourselves in an old Image of victim consciousness, and have just reinforced our identity within this framework of limitation and victimhood.

If we happen to be a little bit more open in awareness, the answer to the question “Why did this happen to me?” might take the tone of self-judgement. “It happened because you're an idiot! You're never paying attention. What makes you think you deserve a nice cup of coffee anyway?”

If you are in a scientific, overly intellectual mode of thought and are denying your emotions,  you could reflect that the fallen cup was simply the result of the law of gravity.

Going a little bit deeper, you might realize the dropped cop happened so that you could go beyond self-judgement, so that you could learn patience, so that you could realize stuff happens in life, and can not always be explained.

Deeper still, “No matter what life circumstances might be, I remain a Divine Child of God unconditionally loved.”

If the cup that was broken happens to be important to you, you might also go through a whole series a possible lessons. One of the final ones being “Even though I was attached to that cup the meaning that I gave it is beyond the material world. The cup was made by my granddaughter and even though it no longer exists, it is still a symbol of the love she has for me and that I have for her. In fact, I can even be grateful because I have released some of my material attachment to that love and realize it now on a deeper level of my being.”

it is also important to realize that the lessons we choose are not simply those that affect us as individuals, but that many people are touched because of their involvement with us and our involvement with them. Do you see how the mystery of life circumstances, the mystery of our own lessons, our own creations, becomes more and more multi-layered as we open ourselves to a deeper and deeper reality?

A final piece for today is that there are many reasons why a particular lesson might show up again and again. We do have the choice of learning a lesson or not, or perhaps putting it on hold for a while. But even that choice is part of our learning. There might be lessons that I do not choose to take on at the moment because I do not deem myself as being ready for them. There might be some lessons that tap me on the shoulder, as it were, and will keep coming back until I realize that the power and strength to work with them or learn from them is now a part of my awareness.

It might be, when presented with a particular lesson, that I continually approach it from the limited sense of my personality self and therefore keep pulling away. Whereas the next time it confronts me, I realize that I am aligned with the divine power within myself, and now because I am in Spirit, I am ready able and willing to take on this lesson. The lesson and perhaps even its form has not changed, but my perception of myself, the one who is faced with this lesson, the one who is learning, has become deeper and more powerful

“Not everything is predetermined. We do not say that. But we do say that you encounter yourself through your fellows in ways that are predetermined, to grant you the opportunity to claim the lessons you came here for. What does it mean to claim a lesson? To agree to it. Now, you may agree to the circumstance or the challenge. “I need to know what it feels like to be the prisoner or the keeper this time around.” “I need to know that I am still in my worth regardless of what society has told me.” “I need to learn that I can transform myself in ways that amaze me because I know who I am.” But these are choices you make to grow. And if you turn down the opportunity for learning that is presented in each of them, you will call the opportunity to you again. There is no shame in this. You may take the test again until you say, “Aha! I know! I understand, and I know that I may move forward in my worth in this new knowledge I have accepted as my own.”

Every week I am so blessed to be with all of you. In love and gratitude.

THIS INCARNATION 5

P.94-97

It was Mark Twain who suggested the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.

It is a continuing question of the Mind asking, “What is the purpose of life?” We could deal with that in a general intellectual way or we could look at it as a question we need to ask ourselves individually, “What is the purpose of my life?”

Without spending much time on the general awareness let us just say two things. One is that there is a deep resonance with a statement by Kurt Vonnegut when one of his characters in a novel was presented with the question about the purpose of life. His answer was, “To be the eyes and the ears in the heart and the mind of the Creator of the universe.” That's pretty profound from one of America's leading cynics. We might also explore the idea or the sense that Love, which is the essence of God, is not a static entity. In other words it evolves. In the limited expression of our language we could say it grows, it goes deeper, it continually stretches. So then we might say the purpose of life is to continue and contribute to the continuing expansion of the energy of love and creation.

What we are exploring today is an approach to answering the question, “What is the purpose of my life?” “What is the purpose of my existence Here and Now.” In simple language the book expresses the idea that our soul, our spiritual nature, has come here to class room Earth and has contracted with itself to learn certain lessons. In order to learn the contracted lessons, situations are created where these lessons can be learned. The choice is always here we can learn the lesson or not.

Most often lessons are learned in the midst of what we perceive of as challenges In general the challenge usually presents itself in such a way that we can choose the way we have always chosen, we can choose the way we have identified most with our personality self, or we can choose differently. The difference in our choice is when we follow an old entrenched pattern it is easier to flow with the natural inclinations that we have created within our own comfort zone, or we can choose to go beyond those self-imposed limitations and choose that which is of a higher vibration.

We do not pretend that choosing “the road less travelled” is easy. There is usually a goodly amount of inertia and resistance to overcome.

“Now difficult things happen in a lifetime. We are not pretending they do not. We understand that many things happen that cause great pain. There are losses, there are changes, there are challenges that would boggle the mind. But we will also tell you this: Your soul has creations that it requires you to know to move forward and to develop in your choices to express yourself in your higher vibration. You are being given opportunity to grow in every opportunity that is presented to you in the form of a challenge. But you must say yes to the new way of being and no longer attend to that aspect of the self that says, “Yes, see, it happened again. I will never know love, or peace, or worth.”

When we say natural inclination what we mean is that you have created patterns of thought and behavior and those patterns have become part of your your style, your identification. It is very easy to think that if I do something a certain way often enough then it simply becomes natural for me to respond that particular way. After sometime or some lifetimes I hardly give that response any thought.

Let me share an example from my own understanding. One of my lessons here on planet Earth is to move beyond the sense of victimhood. What I mean by that is to cease giving my power away to people, places, things and situations in my life that somehow trigger within me a response of being overwhelmed, that I can do nothing about this, that is bigger than I am.

I can get into this consciousness of limitation quite often and quite easily. If I am in a state of low vibration to begin with, a spilled cup of coffee or a forgotten grocery list can be enough to push me over the edge. Then what happens is I sink more deeply into my own sense of helplessness and I do not even realize I have a choice. When I wake up enough to realize what I have allowed to happen, it still takes some time to move back into an awareness of my worth, my power and my authority. (all three of those-- worth, power, and authority are ways of expressing being in alignment with my divine self.)

So I realize if this is one of my lessons, but I also create the circumstances that will trigger my old response and then I will be offered the choice whether I respond in the old way of being a victim or the new way the way of Grace claiming my power and my authority and my worthiness over my sense of helplessness.

“There is no one on this plane, like it or not, who can tell you who you are with more authority than you. This does not make you special. It means, finally, you have to know yourself because you are the only one who really lives with you, and what do you want to be? How do you frame your expression and how do you live your life in accordance with that you have been taught? You’ve become so ignorant to your own behaviors—“This is the way it should be because I have always known myself as this,” “I have always chosen in accord with what I have been taught so I don’t think otherwise”—that you miss the opportunity to decide anew. If you have eggs for breakfast six days a week and on the seventh you have toast, you are choosing that. If you don’t want toast, eat something else.”

Now that does not necessarily mean that everything outside of me changes. What it does mean is that I become consciously aware of my ability to choose differently. The different choice could be as simple as reminding myself that “God is my source; I am a Divine being in human form; and that nothing of importance can be taken away from me.”

Is the spilled coffee or the broken blind or the flat tire or the  illness unimportant? On some level yes, but on a human level, they still need to be dealt with. I still might have anger, fear, judgment. All my human emotions do not disappear, they need to be dealt with, and they need to be dealt with lovingly.

One of the more difficult challenges, no matter what form it might be can express itself through, is physical illness. it would be very easy to fall into judgemental questioning of “Why did I create this? Why did someone else create their illness?

It is now we enter into the realm of Mystery, aspects of our spiritual nature and our spiritual life that cannot be completely explained by our intellect or our thinking mind. Spiritual lessons involve learning on multiple levels and usually involve learning and healing of the number of people not just a particular individual.

Although the learning part of our experience is chosen, the form or the particular circumstances that provide for that learning are governed by so many, almost countless forces that it would be difficult if not impossible to explain or predict. This is one of the reasons why the questioning mind that asks “why is this happening to me?” creates an internal conflict which has no resolution. The continuing question that the person must ask is not “why did I choose this” but “what am I supposed to learn from this.”

The example I used was out grand daughter’s illness. Did she create that? In a way, yes—(but I do not know what her lesson is in all of this); I can only be aware of my lesson. Did I have hand creating this, yes. You see how “sticky” it gets? Did I create my grand daughters illness? Well, no, but I did create this life experience for me to learn from—what are my lessons? “You are not your body; you can be courageous and strong even though your body is broken. You can open your heart in love and compassion  even though on human level it is painful to be with one you love who is suffering—and on and on and on.

Margo has a different learning here because she is involved with both her daughter and granddaughter. You can get a sense of how multi-layered this is. And then if you introduce the concept of karma it even becomes more difficult to fathom.

We have spoken of previously that you are free to settle for a superficial answer to that question or to allow yourself to delve deeper into the meaning your soul is chosen.  Let us explore another example of victim consciousness. Suppose another person becomes angry at you and you believe the anger is unjustified . You could find yourself sinking into a self-critifal state of consciousness that keeps reminding you there must be something wrong with me. This is the old pattern of victim consciousness showing itself in this particular form.

“You must understand right now that you are all in agreement with the teachings you require on one level or another. So you bless each other in the opportunity to have certain experiences as your life unfolds. “I will be the mother, I will teach you independence.” “I will be the lover, I will teach you your passion.” “I will be the child, I will be learning from your worth so I may create my own.” You go into these agreements prior to incarnation and you choose them as you go forward, as you recognize each other in spirit, and call each other into being in a practical way in the incarnation you exist in.”

Now in your awareness of having a choice, you might decide that the lesson is not to ever listen to this person because they are always full of negativity and toxicity. I don't need them in my life.

This might seem to be a workable understanding and solution. However, if you are aware enough you will begin to realize that eventually you will probably make a similar decision about most people in your life. You will find instead of healing or learning that you are simply continuing to justify your own behavior. You might find yourself at a higher vibration because you are not caught up in some of your own self-centered negativity, but you will also probably discover the limited learning you have chosen to hold has simply scratched the surface.

If you choose to go deeper and deeper, you would become faced with an inner truth that challenges you to believe in and to act upon this belief’’ “That nothing of importance can be taken away from me,” and we would add, in this situation, no matter what another person's anger or criticism may bring to me.

This is significant because it demonstrates that one of the signs of truly being in touch with the lesson or lessons you need to learn is that with the learning, you literally become free. You become free of an old pattern that might have existed for many lifetimes, and once you make that choice in Freedom and in truth, it becomes easier to make similar choices more and more often.

So your soul has been challenged by this chosen lesson and it has stretched and grown through the experience.

Again, we are drawn back to asking ourselves the basic question, “What is my lesson(s) in all of this?’ and knowing yah the answer(s) will be given to us as the mystery unfolds.

An essential awareness is to know that nothing is being done to us. The life circumstances we find ourselves in are the teachers for the lessons we have already chosen.

THIS INCARNATION 4

P. 92-94

The book speaks of Worth or self-worth. We are not dealing with a measurable quantity, what is being expressed when it is spoken “to be in your worth” is another way of expressing the idea or the sense of being aligned to your Divine self Your Divine inner truth.

You might recall that many of us were taught or learned, “Oh Lord I am not worthy.” What we can do with this today is to realize that phrase refers only to the personality self. The Divine self is always worthy; it cannot be anything else. The personality self is always striving for something more, something better, and because of its very nature it will always believe it is not worthy because there is always something more to achieve. it speaks in the language of “one more book, one more retreat, one more day of fasting,” and then perhaps I might be worthy.

Your spiritual nature does not get involved in this kind of one-up-manship or bargaining. It does not need to. It continually dwells in the truth of what it is. It is worthy simply because it is. It is worthy because of its realization as coming from the Divine source; it is worthy and lives in the knowing that nothing can take away that worth. You can deny your worth/your Divine nature, but that doesn't take it away, your denial just creates more of an illusion of separation.

The major Focus this morning is our “stuff,” those patterns of thought and behavior that we have either inherited from our families of origin or that we might even have created for ourselves. The realization that comes from this awareness is the becoming cognizant of those patterns of thought and behavior in being that no longer serve us.

We are not making a judgment nor are we blaming those from whom those patterns might have come from. As a friend of mine likes to say, “You might have been taught this pattern or action by someone else, but it's your puppy now.” So that is one of the first realizations we have--drop the over-analysis or holding on to blame or resentment for patterns that might have been passed on to us by church, by family, by friends, by school. Not only is that a waste of energy, but also contributes to being stuck or staying that way.

When you abnegate your worth by believing others are always right—“He must have been right to leave me, I will never amount to much on my own”—you claim your authority in that abnegation of power. And that resonance begins to infiltrate all areas of a life. If you want that, that is up to you; keep plucking things off the low shelf and putting them in your basket if that is what you want, or hear us now: You are the one who chooses, regardless of what you think or have been taught. And if you are carrying a handbasket of trash, drop it now. Who is to tell you not to but you? Now, if you want your trash to stick with you, be prepared to stink, because that’s what trash tends to do after a while. If you do not want it, you have been given the authority to let go.

Our awareness brings to light all of those thoughts, ideas and patterns of action that no longer serve us. Once the awareness is there, then comes the real work of healing because those old patterns do not disappear simply because we want them to. We have learned them so deeply within our being that those patterns and behaviors almost have a life of their own, so that energy needs to be extinguished. That is done in part by choosing a different pattern, choosing a more loving way and not feeding energy into the old patterns that no longer serve us. It sometimes takes  many tries to rid ourselves of useless patterns of behavior. That is why awareness by itself is not enough. Awareness is followed by those other steps-- willingness, intention, surrender and the positive powerful use of imagination.

I gave an example this morning of a pattern that I picked up from my mother which she probably learned from her parents. She would never buy an item that she really wanted, but always would settle for second or third-best. I am not sure what motivated those choices-- one factor certainly seems to be “I am not worthy of the best,” another was probably a desire to avoid extravagance and another might have been a way of saving money.

Although I had probably practiced this pattern many times without realizing it, it really entered my conscious awareness when I was getting ready to buy an electric typewriter years ago. It was a necessary piece of equipment for my continuing education. I found myself in a dilemma of which one should I buy. There was a top-of-the-line Smith-Corona and then there was another “no brand”more cheaply made and I recall going back and forth in my mind until I finally settled on the cheaper model. No sooner had I brought it home that I realized the conflict was not settled. I had bought something I did not want and I felt angry and deprived. What I finally wound up doing was selling the typewriter I had bought for less than I paid for it and then biting the bullet and buying the Smith Corona. In essence what I done was to bu two typewriters or buy one for the price of 2. It was an expensive lesson and one that I continue to learn because I found myself falling into that same pattern time and time again. I can still notice it within myself these days but it has little or no control or energy around me.

Now we will tell you this: Many of you were taught things when you were very small. You believed them implicitly and you created a life to reflect these teachings regardless of whether or not they were serving you well. You were told you were this or that, you were mistreated by this one or that one. But we are here to tell you now that just because something happened does not mean it has to stay. You have as much authority here, but you don’t know it. You have been systematized to agree with the possibility that once you are scarred, you are scarred forever, that once you have been harmed, the memory of the harm will never go away. Well, this is up to you, you know, because, once again you decide what the teaching was.

So what was the lesson for me? On the surface it could be “You're an idiot for not purchasing what you want in the first place. But if I choose to go deeper, the lesson has many different facets. One is that my mother was doing the best she knew how to do and coming from a background of living in the Great Depression was most certainly affected by a deep sense of fear and scarcity. Bringing it more to a personal level I can say to myself “I deserve to live in abundance. I deserve to live without fear. I deserve to rejoice in  and participate in the good and beautiful things of life.”

You notice that many or most of those lessons have nothing to do with the material world. It is not always about buying the most expensive item or living beyond my means or being overly extravagant. It is more about being led and guided by my own sense of inner worth rather than some external measurement.

We do not teach those who have an investment in maintaining their pain as their identity and there are those of you who have become so attached to your history—“This happened to me when I was five, when I was twenty-five, or fifty-five”—that you stand at the roadside looking at the history, the wreck that was your past, and not walking beyond it. Now if you want to stay there, you may; you have been gifted with free will. But this incarnation is yours to learn though. And the moment you decide that there may be another way to learn, to encounter this history, to move beyond the wreckage, you will, but you must choose it.

This final piece today is sort of like getting a bucket of cold water thrown in my face. First of all, I do not think that anybody who is so lost in their own pain or identified with their pain or fear or scarcity or whatever form it might take would probably not be reading this far in the book. But I also feel it is a reminder to all of us that we are continually offered the choice of what we  identify with within ourselves. Pain is always a reflection a scarcity, of fear, of living from a limited sense of awareness.

It is difficult to imagine that in a world created by our divine natures there is no such thing as pain. We wrestle with this one sometimes, and we can turn it back on ourselves in judgment if we are experiencing pain whether physical or psychological. This sort of self-blame is simply another pattern of useless behavior we might have learned in the past.

Perhaps a better way of being aware of this is being able to say, “I have pain but I am not my pain.” When we are in a state of struggle or grieving or hurt, it is very natural that within our human selves we will experience pain, longing, grief. We do not deny this but we do suggest and anything that comes up to you or through you that brings pain with it has come to your awareness to be healed.

The pain that you experience might have very little to do with present circumstances. It might simply be that your soul knows you are ready to handle and heal what it is now bringing to your attention.

In love and in Gray gratitude and in healing: thank you, thank you, thank you.