GREAT GROUP, SUNDAY. THANK YOU ALL.
What we are doing, perhaps on an unconscious level is we are getting in touch with that deep yearning within our souls and we are beginning to address that yearning from its truth, rather than all the peripheral things we stuff ourselves with to attempt to assuage the sense of separation, anxiety and lack of self love we all experience.
In one of my favorite quotes from Augustine, “You have made our hearts restless and they will never rest until the rest in Thee.”
In the past what we have done is either push those uncomfortable feelings away, or we have attempted to smother them with food, alcohol/drugs, material goods, etc. Today we are not pushing them away, ignoring them or trying to cover them up. We are opening ourselves to be conscious of our longing and allow it to be healed/filled/erased/transformed.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anias Nin
Even though the guides are doing this work with us it is still not a passive endeavor. We say, “Welcome,“ yes, but that means is that we open our arms, create a sense of receptivity and openness to let the light, the grace, come in.
The mind does not know what this means because we are literally standing on the edge of transformation, and we do not know where that is going to take us. We are in mystery and paradox again. The Divine self already knows who he/she is, and nothing an change that or get away from that truth, BUT there is still much that we cling to in our human consciousness that blocks us from realizing the truth of who we are. Fear, judgment, begin right, guilt, self-blame, to name a few.
In some ways there is a part of us that still thinks it needs those things. Who/what would I be without them? And because we do not have an answer to that question, we are fearful and reluctant to “take the plunge.”
“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.” ― Patrick Overton
**************
I am summarizing from a later portion of this book, not to jump ahead so much as to recognize the universality and coherence of this teaching.
You often think of your history as being what has happened to you in your life, but then you become attached to the circumstances either through fear(of them happening again), or guilt, or the “coulda ,woulda, shoulda” syndrome.
What we are claiming here together in this moment is that you are NOT your history and because you are NOT your history you do not have to be ruled or governed by it.
As we talked about a similar subject in class, I was reminded of that wonderful maxim from ACIM—“When you bring the past into the present, you create a future just like your past.”
When we let go of who we think we are, we open ourselves to the possibility to be who we truly are.
Whatever you “have” or claim or are aware of as parts of yourself, whatever it is you perceive, then it is yours, and you must take responsibility and ownership of it before you can release it. (I recall when I first entered recovery I realized I had to accept that this thing called alcoholism. That it was mine; I could not blame anyone or anything else for it. It was only then that I could surrender, and put it in God’s hands. It’s another one of those paradoxical things. It has to be yours; you need to claiming as yours before you can let it go.
As we examine and become more aware of the self-imposed illusions we cling to, we can also begin to ask ourselves, “What am I holding onto that no longe serves me?” We might be surprised as we discover how much useless trash, how many outdated roles or behaviors we are still lugging around.
There’s a great scene from the movie The Mission : Robert DeNiro killed his bother in a duel, and as part of his penance he had to drag around this net filled with huge pieces of old rusty armor. At one point he was climbing this cliff wall with some native people, and he was just about ready to fall off when one of the natives cut the rope the was holding all this junk. DeNiro couldn’t even do that for himself—he was so attached to his guilt and/or punishment that he did not even realize that he could let it go (even to save his own life).
It is very difficult to become aware that we have made choices in our lives that have produced pain and negativity, and we are not ignoring this. What produces the difficulty, the stuckness, is our holding onto it. For instance when I feel badly about hurting another, even inadvertently, I might choose to hold onto the pain of guilt (until I feel the debt is paid—and of course it never is).
Here is a direct passage from the book, p. 122-23
I am claiming my worth as the one who made the error so that I may rectify the mistake.” If you don’t claim the error, how can you make a new choice? How can you decide anew when you are pretending you are not who you are?
Now understand this please: You are not an error. We don’t say that you are an error. But you have made mistakes in your judgment because you have been frightened of yourselves and you have given permission to the world to tell you who and what you are. “I am the woman who lies.” “I am the man who cheats at cards,” “Who is an infidel,” “Who is boastful.” Whatever it is you claim as yourself that you wish to relinquish you may, but you must release the need for these things. There is nothing that you have created in your life, including your pain, that you have not chosen for one reason or another.
Now, we do not say that things don’t happen to you that cause pain. We are talking about holding on to pain, cherishing pain, going into agreement with pain as who you are, and “that is not a requirement for being alive unless you make it so.
“I no longer wish to be alone,” you may say. But you have created a life of loneliness and, in fact, cannot imagine another way of being seen. “I have created a life by myself. I cherish my time alone. When somebody comes to visit, I cannot wait for them to leave” may be closer to the truth for you. But you pretend you want a partner, or a lover, or somebody who comes and stays because you think you should have this.
Now, you may have this if you like, but you will not claim it as long as you are claiming what you’ve had is what you want. And understand, everybody, please, what you have is what you want because you accept it as so. You may change your mind, you know. You are allowed to change your mind and to decide anew any day of the week.
"Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain." Bartholomew.
We are not suggesting that you deliberately create pain or even that pain is wrong. The predicament is that we somehow become attached to the pain, we identify with it, we think it is a necessary part of who we are. Wouldn’t it be interesting if we were to be that aware of joy rather than pain?
**************
In some ways, by our participation in this work, we are letting this transformation happen, we are also making it happen.
**************
What we are doing, perhaps on an unconscious level is we are getting in touch with that deep yearning within our souls and we are beginning to address that yearning from its truth, rather than all the peripheral things we stuff ourselves with to attempt to assuage the sense of separation, anxiety and lack of self love we all experience.
In one of my favorite quotes from Augustine, “You have made our hearts restless and they will never rest until the rest in Thee.”
In the past what we have done is either push those uncomfortable feelings away, or we have attempted to smother them with food, alcohol/drugs, material goods, etc. Today we are not pushing them away, ignoring them or trying to cover them up. We are opening ourselves to be conscious of our longing and allow it to be healed/filled/erased/transformed.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anias Nin
Even though the guides are doing this work with us it is still not a passive endeavor. We say, “Welcome,“ yes, but that means is that we open our arms, create a sense of receptivity and openness to let the light, the grace, come in.
The mind does not know what this means because we are literally standing on the edge of transformation, and we do not know where that is going to take us. We are in mystery and paradox again. The Divine self already knows who he/she is, and nothing an change that or get away from that truth, BUT there is still much that we cling to in our human consciousness that blocks us from realizing the truth of who we are. Fear, judgment, begin right, guilt, self-blame, to name a few.
In some ways there is a part of us that still thinks it needs those things. Who/what would I be without them? And because we do not have an answer to that question, we are fearful and reluctant to “take the plunge.”
“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.” ― Patrick Overton
**************
I am summarizing from a later portion of this book, not to jump ahead so much as to recognize the universality and coherence of this teaching.
You often think of your history as being what has happened to you in your life, but then you become attached to the circumstances either through fear(of them happening again), or guilt, or the “coulda ,woulda, shoulda” syndrome.
What we are claiming here together in this moment is that you are NOT your history and because you are NOT your history you do not have to be ruled or governed by it.
As we talked about a similar subject in class, I was reminded of that wonderful maxim from ACIM—“When you bring the past into the present, you create a future just like your past.”
When we let go of who we think we are, we open ourselves to the possibility to be who we truly are.
Whatever you “have” or claim or are aware of as parts of yourself, whatever it is you perceive, then it is yours, and you must take responsibility and ownership of it before you can release it. (I recall when I first entered recovery I realized I had to accept that this thing called alcoholism. That it was mine; I could not blame anyone or anything else for it. It was only then that I could surrender, and put it in God’s hands. It’s another one of those paradoxical things. It has to be yours; you need to claiming as yours before you can let it go.
As we examine and become more aware of the self-imposed illusions we cling to, we can also begin to ask ourselves, “What am I holding onto that no longe serves me?” We might be surprised as we discover how much useless trash, how many outdated roles or behaviors we are still lugging around.
There’s a great scene from the movie The Mission : Robert DeNiro killed his bother in a duel, and as part of his penance he had to drag around this net filled with huge pieces of old rusty armor. At one point he was climbing this cliff wall with some native people, and he was just about ready to fall off when one of the natives cut the rope the was holding all this junk. DeNiro couldn’t even do that for himself—he was so attached to his guilt and/or punishment that he did not even realize that he could let it go (even to save his own life).
It is very difficult to become aware that we have made choices in our lives that have produced pain and negativity, and we are not ignoring this. What produces the difficulty, the stuckness, is our holding onto it. For instance when I feel badly about hurting another, even inadvertently, I might choose to hold onto the pain of guilt (until I feel the debt is paid—and of course it never is).
Here is a direct passage from the book, p. 122-23
I am claiming my worth as the one who made the error so that I may rectify the mistake.” If you don’t claim the error, how can you make a new choice? How can you decide anew when you are pretending you are not who you are?
Now understand this please: You are not an error. We don’t say that you are an error. But you have made mistakes in your judgment because you have been frightened of yourselves and you have given permission to the world to tell you who and what you are. “I am the woman who lies.” “I am the man who cheats at cards,” “Who is an infidel,” “Who is boastful.” Whatever it is you claim as yourself that you wish to relinquish you may, but you must release the need for these things. There is nothing that you have created in your life, including your pain, that you have not chosen for one reason or another.
Now, we do not say that things don’t happen to you that cause pain. We are talking about holding on to pain, cherishing pain, going into agreement with pain as who you are, and “that is not a requirement for being alive unless you make it so.
“I no longer wish to be alone,” you may say. But you have created a life of loneliness and, in fact, cannot imagine another way of being seen. “I have created a life by myself. I cherish my time alone. When somebody comes to visit, I cannot wait for them to leave” may be closer to the truth for you. But you pretend you want a partner, or a lover, or somebody who comes and stays because you think you should have this.
Now, you may have this if you like, but you will not claim it as long as you are claiming what you’ve had is what you want. And understand, everybody, please, what you have is what you want because you accept it as so. You may change your mind, you know. You are allowed to change your mind and to decide anew any day of the week.
"Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain." Bartholomew.
We are not suggesting that you deliberately create pain or even that pain is wrong. The predicament is that we somehow become attached to the pain, we identify with it, we think it is a necessary part of who we are. Wouldn’t it be interesting if we were to be that aware of joy rather than pain?
**************
In some ways, by our participation in this work, we are letting this transformation happen, we are also making it happen.
**************
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